Black Larry David

So this is me as a kid. So fresh and full of life. The older I get though, the more cynical I become. I feel like I am turning into my Dad. My dad is truly hilarious, but he loves to talk shit. Usually during whatever I am enjoying, whether it be a TV show, movie, or football game. I love to complain and now I am doing the same thing to my friends and people around me. And to top it off I find myself in the most ridiculous of situations. More on that later. Just wanted to post this picture up to show love for my Papitat for Humanity. Yep, that's my nickname for him.

When Facebook Stops Being Fun

Man, I am telling you. I am a huge supporter of Facebook, Twitter, and all of these other networking sites. But to be honest it will not be as fun when these debt collectors start hitting up facebook. It would be a scary sight if Sallie Mae or Visa added me as a friend. Shit, I'd be reporting the hell out of them.

They'd be poking you, blasting you out on your wall for being late on your payments. Sending you harsh messages. Starting a group called "Robert's current credit score". Man, I am shuddering just thinking about it.

It's only a matter of time people.

Life, Love, Honesty

This was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to write. I am brutally honest with myself but I never put myself out there in public. I am usually afraid of my image or looking bad in the eyes of even my closet friends. The purpose of this is to talk about love and my life and maybe gain some new perspective in both. This is not a last ditch effort to latch on to something that will never be. This is just me being honest about how I feel. Maybe in writing this it can help me get over some issues and start my life anew.

Throughout my life I've seen many people come and go. My family has been my only constant. My Papitat for Humanity (Dad) has always been there for me. My Mom has been a calming influence. My older brother Mayo has taught me many unintentional lessons about life. My older sister Kim made me a better person, my sister Robinette makes me laugh the most, but can also get me the maddest, and my baby sister Cheyenne is my heart. I would do anything for my family.

I've been to 12 schools and the faces of friends, foes, loves, hates, all seem to blur together. No one particularly special out of that group has captured my heart or even garnered an emotional response in their absences. It started so early in my life that by the time I was in 3rd grade I became accustomed to being alone. I simply became jaded and a loner. It didn’t help that I wasn't very appetizing to the ladies; I was a history loving, football statistics nut, with a debilitating speech impediment. I ended my third grade year with a giant ring worm that had my hair looking like Uncle Phil effectively taking me out of school for the last two months of the school year. I decided to take my life into my own hands and work myself into a new person.

Side note: I had a crazy bully when I was in Kindergarten (I was 4 ½) and 1^st grade (5 ½). He was two years older than me and he beat me senseless every day. The worst time being when he tripped me on the way to bible study (I went to catholic school) and I scrapped my face up. I had to walk into the church with blood dripping down my face, trying my best to hold back tears. The scars didn’t go away for a few years. I wished death on him. He died two years later in a swimming accident. I’ve never forgiven myself for wishing he would drop dead.

Going into fourth grade I’d decided to spend the summer reading a sports almanac out loud to rid myself of my stutter. It worked and I was finally able to speak in class without the fear of being ridiculed. And soon I became the class clown. It was also around this time that I found what I wanted to do with my life and started plotting the course to pursue my dreams. I moved to GA a few years after that with a new abusive stepdad that made my transition away from my home in New Orleans that much harder.

That relationship ended for my mother as soon as it started and we were off and moving around again like a pack of gypsies. All I had were my siblings, at the time I didn’t really want nor need anything more.

Although that time is way behind me, subconsciously that shy little kid who was afraid to answer questions or read aloud in class will always be in the back of my mind. I played football in high school and became a different person. I was the always loud Robert. I pushed people away because in the back of my head I knew that I would have to leave again. Why show anyone the real me if I am going to have to leave anyway and feel the hurt of separation? As a kid I felt that and didn't want to deal with it again, so I figured that everyone wanted to hear jokes at all times and not know the real me.

Over the years I’ve met numerous women that are considered crushes in my life. Each woman left an impression on me that will never be forgotten, showing me how to better myself. (I rarely name names when it comes to girls I care about so this is new.) There was Kristy my first crush (I haven’t seen or talked to her since I left GA), there was Brittany, there was Hadass my first crush on a deeper level than physical, (she’s extremely smart, a great writer, and I am glad that she’s still my friend), and there was Dawn, this was my college crush (We haven’t talked for years and I doubt we ever will again). I can honestly say I have only really loved two women (outside of my family). Audrey (who is a friend of mine to this day and I know she will be successful in her life) and The One.

In my mind she will always be The One. She is someone I will always hold a candle for. I know the moment I met her. Seeing her makes me happy and brightens my day. I've written dozens of poems in her honor that will never see the light of day. I know hundreds of songs that when they come on remind me in some way shape or form of her. I miss her with every fiber in my body.

She without knowing it made me realize what I was missing in my life. It took me 22 years (at the time) to finally understand. I was missing true companionship, true love, missing the opportunity to live life how it was meant to be lived. Not just as a spectator, but as a participant. I never wanted to see Europe, see Mexico; live outside of my comfort zone until I met someone who left her home country to come to America to study her love of film making. Now I even set aside Saturdays to go to new restaurants and try new foods.

But unfortunately she doesn't feel the same way about me. Don't cry for me, though. I hold no ill will and I even understand. I want her to have fun and enjoy her life. That’s the next best thing to her being with me. Now don’t get me wrong I will always hold out hope that one day she will be mine and we can live a long life together. But I can't hold my breathe nor can I wait forever. That would do a disservice to me and that would be a burden on her.

I have usually harnessed my feelings into motivation for work and they festered causing me to be quiet, internalizing everything. While on vacation in New Orleans I saw that in my father and I don’t want my personal life to play out the same way.

This is my attempt to communicate my thoughts and true feelings. Say what you want, but at least you can know that I was completely honest.

p.s. Just think about if I would have wrote about 2009 in here. haha.

The Mist

So I was watching the Mist today. It's a pretty good movie starring Thomas Jane that came out a few years ago. Let me rephrase that, it's an amazing movie. One of the best I've seen in years. The underlying theme in the movie is how religion can and is used for evil to instill fear and obedience in society. This is so true in my opinion. Many people over the years have either said they were a prophet or sent down from heaven to lead the people to salvation, only to be found out as liars. Now, I am not an atheist. I guess I would be considered Agnostic. Meaning I believe that there is a God (I grew up in the south in a hybrid Catholic/Baptist society), but not in a particular religion. My life in churches in the South has slowly turned me off to the organized religion. They have a you vs us attitude.

I understand the purpose of religion and I think it's very necessary. It's purpose is to instill hope and inspire the masses to achieve great things. And in that respect I think religion is a beautiful thing that could make individuals better in their day to day lives. The problem with that is that there has to be someone in charge and humans (in my opinion) are inherently evil (with the capacity to do good). Not going to go on a long rant about the crusades, Republicans, or try to disprove any particular religion or sect. What I would say is that if it makes you a better person and helps you lead a better life, believe what ever you want. I will fully support it (Like my opinion on your life actually matters. haha).

To sum up the post: Religion should be used for the betterment of an individual and society as a whole.

Its funny that all of this was sparked by watching 'The Mist'. Go Thomas Jane.

Saints Win Super Bowl aka I Can Die A Happy Man.

When the Saints won the super bowl, I was able to finally put the horrendous 2009 behind me and start fresh in 2010. I had been waiting for the victory my entire life. I have been a Saints fan for my entire life and it was no easy journey.

We didn't win our first playoff game until I was in High School. We dealt with Mike Ditka as head coach, Heath Shuler-Kerry Collins at QB, numerous botched draft choices, etc. I never wore a paper bag, nor did I answer to the nickname Aints. I hated the thought Saints fans would hide themselves in shame. I bought a pair of Saints tennis shoes from Wal-Mart when they had a horrible season. I order New Orleans Saints cakes for four separate birthdays.

Side note: The cake is the worst cake imaginable. The black icing makes it taste like ass and cigarette ashes.

But the fact that in my ripe age of 24 I got to get shit faced, piss on the streets of Hollywood Blvd drunk and watch the Saints come from behind and win the super bowl is without a doubt the happiest moment I could ever have.

Nothing will ever top that moment, but I will have to get close with my career.

Fun Black Facts #1

Shit, just realized it's black history month. Okay kiddies. It's time for Fun Black Facts by Robert Love. Every day I will give one random fact about black people in America. Whether it be struggle, inspirational stories of love, or just random stupidity. I will try and avoid the obvious already famous black names.

Today's black fact: John Punch was the first Black man in America to be punished more harshly than his white counterparts. He was given life, while his co-conspirators received 1 and 3 years respectably. The crime escaping bondage. The year 1640. It's going to be a fun month. lol